Characters

• Bob Griffith
• Sean Gallagher
• Amanda Griffith
• Carole Dietrich

A fashionable living room.

Sean Gallagher a man about town of about thirty-five years of age is talking to Carole Dietrich who is around thirty. Carole is pacing. Gallagher is relaxed.

Gallagher

It's two o'clock.

Carole

Our friends are late.

Gallagher

No -- your clock is a bit fast.

(checking his watch )

Carole

Ah.

Gallagher

Are you upset?

Carole

It's quite natural, I believe.

Gallagher

Try not to show it.

Carole

(taking deep breaths)

Oh!

Gallagher

Are you all right?

Carole

(with an effort)

Yes.

Gallagher

You're prepared?

Carole

Yes.

Gallagher

Everything is agreed. You've forgotten nothing? You regret nothing?

Carole

Nothing -- because I never think of that man any more.

(The door bell rings.)

Gallagher

That must be Bob and Amanda.

Carole

They've come ahead of time.

Gallagher

I'll let them in. Be ready.

(Gallagher goes out and a moment later returns with Bob and Amanda Griffith. Amanda is carrying a baby about three months old.)

Carole

(to Amanda in an affectionate tone, but examining her with distaste from head to foot)

At last.

Bob

(holding his hand out to Carole)

My dear Mrs. Dietrich --permit me to present my wife Amanda to you. I would have been happy to make this presentation on the very day of our marriage -- for you were one of my best friends -- but you weren't there.

Carole

I was forced to be with my husband -- who was very sick and died a few days later.

Bob

(astonished)

You're a widow?

Carole

For more than a year.

Bob

Why didn't you let me know?

Carole

I didn't know where you were.

(taking Amanda's hand)

We'll soon make up for lost time, madam. Mr. Griffith and I are old friends -- and I believe I was the first to know of his love for you.

Bob

I owed it to you, Carole.

Amanda

My husband has often spoken to me of you, Mrs. Dietrich

Carole

Carole, please.

Amanda

We've only been back two-days and my first visit --

Carole

You've been away the entire year?

Amanda

For the first six months we travelled and then we settled in Maine with my father. I wanted to be with him when I delivered the baby. Would you like me to present my son -- aged three months? I had to bring him with me for without him I couldn't have paid you a visit -- I'm still

Bob

(interrupting)

Amanda!

Amanda

I'm nursing and I'm proud of it. Mrs. Dietrich has had children, of course?

Carole

No, I regret to say.

Amanda

I beg your pardon. It's so amusing!

Carole

(low to Gallagher)

She is stupid!

Gallagher

(low)

Not at all, not at all.

Carole

(looking at the child)

He's magnificent. He's already very strong.

Amanda

I believe it. He weighed nine pounds at birth, right Bob? You were the one who weighed him. If you knew what I suffered. Natural childbirth. I thought I was going to die. People don't know when they get married. Poor little dear. But what a joy to hear his first cry! And he didn't lose any time. He cried all the time! But it was the only time he cried. Now, he laughs. Make a little laugh for the nice lady.

Amanda

(the baby yells)

You see! You never know what he'll do. My cousin had her baby a little before me -- the 23rd of June me, July 2nd. Her son is a little older than Robert. (He's got the same name as his father!) Well, you can't compare them in size or intelligence. This guy knows everything. Not because he's my son -- but because he's truly extraordinary.

Carole

Like all children.

Amanda

And me. I'm proud like all mothers.

(The baby cries again)

Amanda

Oh, dear - I think it's his time. The gentleman is hungry, and like most men, he goes into a rage if his dinner is not on time. You'll excuse me, Mrs. Dietrich.

Carole

Let me see -- I'll put you in the dining room.

(low to Gallagher)

Decidedly, she's stupid.

Gallagher

(low)

Not at all, not at all.

(Exit Carole and Amanda with the baby.)

Gallagher

Well -- are things going well?

Bob

Yes.

Gallagher

Why are you angry?

Bob

Angry? My God, no! But I was a little uneasy. I have to present my wife to Mrs. Dietrich -- custom insists -- but I'd rather not bring my wife here.

Gallagher

Why?

Bob

You can ask?

Gallagher

Yes, tell me.

Bob

Carole and my wife shouldn't be friends.

Gallagher

The reason? Carole Dietrich is a woman of the world -- of the best world. No one has anything derogatory to say about her. She's never had a lover.

Bob

Really -- what about me?

Gallagher

You! You were Carole Dietrich's lover? You say it, but if it's true, you ought to be the last to say it! Happily it's not true.

Bob

Why isn't it true?

Gallagher

Prove it to me.

Bob

Have you gone crazy? You were our confidante.

(Gallagher laughs)

What makes you laugh like that?

Gallagher

You amuse me a lot.

Bob

Why this bantering tone?

Gallagher

What's it like to be a woman's lover?

Bob

What's it like?

Gallagher

Yes. What's it like?

Bob

If you don't know it at your age, then you never will.

Gallagher

More reason to explain it to me.

Bob That I can't do.

Besides, there's no reason to.

Gallagher

In other words it's just a fact.

Bob

Naturally.

Gallagher

Now what's a fact like?

Bob

You know you're very irritating with your dialectic.

Gallagher

The nature of a fact is something to be proved by the witnesses who have seen it, as well as by the traces it leaves. Caesar Augustus went to heaven after his death. Numerius Atticus saw him and declared it publicly. An incontestable fact. Abraham Lincoln was shot. An incontestable fact. Where is the witness, the notoriety, the tradition proving you were Carole Dietrich's lover? Are you ready to take a public oath on it? Do you treat her intimately before the whole world? Does she call you my big hunk or words to that effect? Do you have a single letter from her,? Doesn't she have the right to kick you out if you make a single allusion to a fact which exists only in your imagination? If to save your life could you prove this fact? Truth is what can be proved, and only what is proven is true. -- You've been dreaming, old boy.

Bob

Where does all this lead?

Gallagher

That Carole Dietrich is for you, as for me, a woman above reproach, like your mother, your sister, or your wife. A woman with whom you dined when you were younger, and a woman to whom you must present your wife because she is worthy of respect

Bob

Of my respect, certainly; of my esteem, no. One respects situations and one esteems people. You're a bachelor -- which is a good way to be -- but once you marry a nice, pure, innocent girl and you will immediately cease to have any use for women who are worthy of your respect as you put it. We were wrong to chase them, and they were wrong to give in. But we only chased them because we knew they would give in. Is that love? Get out! It's only sensuality.

Gallagher

In other words, the double standard. When a bachelor, do as a bachelor does. When a husband, become a moralist. That's pretty convenient and nothing but egoism.

Bob

Big words.

Gallagher

So if Carole had been a widow while you were having your affair you would not have married her?

Bob

She wasn't and that took care of that.

Gallagher

You wouldn't have married her?

Bob

No.

Gallagher

And what reasons would you have used to justify such cowardice?

Bob

Gallagher.

Gallagher

No offense. It's only a manner of speaking. Your love was over before you had to prove it, and you had without experiencing any sorrow yourself you left her to eat her heart out.

Bob

She appears to be thriving to me. But there's no love and no remorse in this business. All there is is a thirst for adventure and sensationalism and a gift for duplicity which the circumstances require. A memory of motel rooms and a sense of degradation.

Gallagher

(extending his hand)

Put it there. You're right.

Bob

You're still joking.

Gallagher

God help me, I think exactly as you.

Bob

What about your recent sermon?

Gallagher

Simply a test! I wanted to know what your relationship with Carole had been. I thought you might still --

Bob

You don't know me very well. During the three years our little affair lasted, I wasn't mad about her for more than a couple of months. It was all in the head. And the tears! The reproaches! The jealousy! Do you know how seldom we found ourselves alone? A handful of times. We had to travel separately to another town. If I wrote her, I had to sign my name Barbara instead of Bob. If I called I had to ask for her husband first to see if he was there. Finally, I got disgusted but I lacked the courage to break it off. For two years. Finally, I told her 'I respect you too much not to be frank with you. I don't love you as I ought to love you. I am getting married.'

Gallagher

As simple as that!

Bob

After having hung around for two years just dangling, I found it better.

Gallagher

What did she say?

Bob

She took it hard. She actually fainted.

Gallagher

The Devil. I thought women didn't do that any more.

Bob

For a moment I thought I'd killed her. I wanted to call for help, and at the same time, I was afraid someone might come in.

Gallagher

And then?

Bob

She recovered all by herself.

Gallagher

And what next?

Bob

She said: 'How nice, Bob -- get married.'

Gallagher

It certainly didn't lack simplicity. After that?

Bob

I wanted to have an explanation with her.

Gallagher

I knew the man would come out in the end.

Bob

I probably have only one thing to boast of -- but I do have it. I am always sincere. I say what I feel. But when I went to see her again, she had left the house.

Gallagher

You wrote her?

Bob

Naturally. An idiot's letter. But you know, you have feelings and you write without thinking.

Gallagher

And she replied?

Bob

She wrote me, 'You're more logical than I am. I thank you.' -- When I finally married I sent her an invitation to the wedding. No response. And today, we paid our visit, and she's been the soul of hospitality. So all is for the best.

Gallagher

Ah, women, women!

Bob

What do you mean?

Gallagher

Then this is all there is to it?

Bob

Yes. A simple affair, really.

Gallagher

You really don't know anything else?

Bob

No -- what else?

Gallagher

(pulling Bob a little closer, confidentially)

When Carole Dietrich the mistress of Akbar Pahlevi --

Bob

Who -- What Pahlevi?

Gallagher

Her first lover -- an Iranian who looked like Omar Sharif and who owned half of Iran --

Bob

Who told you this nonsense?

Gallagher

It's not nonsense; it's a fact.

Bob

There were witnesses? You saw him? Numerius Atticus --

Gallagher

I was Numerius Atticus.

Bob

Ridiculous!

Gallagher

When I tell you what was going on -- Do you think I'd have let you dump her so brutally if I hadn't known the little game she was playing on the side?

Bob

A game on the side!

Gallagher

You are a lover, a conqueror, no one can tell you anything. As for me, I'm of no consequence, only a confidante, -- indispensable in that role but less happy. Still, I know more. People inside a burning house don't realize it's burning -- only those who are outside can see the spread of the fire. Me, I was outside. I saw how the fire took and how it spread. From you to the late Akbar Pahlevi. You thought you were a torch, but you were only a fan.

Bob

Tell me everything -- because it's highly comic.

Gallagher

Well -- she broke with Pahlevi in '85 and he returned to Iran and was killed by the Ayatollah for some reason. Probably, because his name was the same as the Shah's.

Bob

(troubled)

You say she broke with Pahlevi in '85?

Gallagher

October '85.

Bob

But I was her lover in June of '84.

Gallagher

That proves that she started with cherries and ended with prunes.

Bob

It isn't possible. She's not that kind of woman.

Gallagher

(showing a letter)

Really -- Do you know her writing?

Bob

(trying to take it)

Do I know it?

Gallagher

Wait. First, the customary oath. You must swear never to tell Carole that I've shown you this letter.

Bob

Oh, very well.

Gallagher

Who needs a false oath?

Bob

(reading)

My friend --

Gallagher

My friend -- she's referring to me --

Bob

My friend -- In Bob's absence --

Gallagher

Well -- that's you! Look at the date.

Bob

August '84.

Gallagher

And you were June.

Bob

(glumly)

I was June.

Gallagher

It's two months after you were --

Bob

Exactly. Yes. I went to see my mother; she was ill,

Gallagher

Well -- it was precisely during your absence that she wrote the letter. Read.

Bob

(reading)

I absolutely must see P --

Gallagher

P for Pahlevi.

Bob

I understand.

(frigidly)

Gallagher

Good.

Bob

(reading)

Please let me use your apartment on Monday. If there's any danger in my coming give me the customary signal. -- So -- she often went to your place!

Gallagher

Often.

Bob

She always made me go out of town!

Gallagher

When I was young, I lived in Boston. I used to take girls from the North Shore to the South Shore and girls from the South Shore to the North Shore. You need to have a system. Besides, some women make love better in certain cities than others. Me, I knew a wonderful woman who would only make love at the beach. I never understood that -- or what it did for her -- but she absolutely refused to love me anywhere else. Once there, I must admit -- she loved me so well I had no cause for complaint. But only at the beach. Continue.

Bob

That's all. You continue.

Gallagher

Well -- she came to my place that following Monday. She said she wanted to get back some letters that Pahlevi wouldn't give her. Carole is the type that always wants back her letters. After that, she always signed her letters 'Carl' to you or to others.

Bob

What others?

Gallagher

Well -- that's another story. I believe there's someone new, but I've actually never met him.

Bob

And why -- when this was going on, didn't you let me know?

Gallagher

Hell, there was no danger of you marrying her -- she was another man's wife. Still, I believe she cared for you more than Pahlevi, but he forced her to continue the relationship to get back her letters. Moreover, he knew about her affair with you and was blackmailing her --

Bob

The swine!

Gallagher

Not for money, of course -- but for power over her. And it wasn't until the eleventh of October '88 that she finally got him to give her the last slip of paper.

Bob

Eighty-five.

Gallagher

Eighty-five.

Bob

Then during my three years?

Gallagher

Pahlevi had a balance due of about eleven months.

Bob

(bitterly)

And it was at your place?

Gallagher

What difference does that make? It was the most convenient place for all concerned. And besides, Carole begged me so insistently -- as this second letter proves --

(giving him another letter)

Bob

(reading)

-- I remember all, I regret nothing --

Gallagher

That's not it, that's not it!

(urgently)

Bob

It's her writing, too.

Gallagher

Yes. That's another matter. -- Give me, give me.

Bob

(looking at the envelope)

But the letter is addressed to you? Et tu Brute? Say it!

Gallagher

Not exactly.

Bob

Now I understand why you told me nothing.

Gallagher

Listen to me, listen to me. Me, you know, I was. -- I can't say it even -- There ought to be a special word for these nuances.

Bob

(counting on his fingers)

Well, we already have four.

Gallagher

Four?

Bob

You, me, the Iranian.

Gallagher

No, no! The Iranian, you, this Englishman

Bob

What's the difference! This Englishman -- is he well connected?

Gallagher

Well -- actually, I think he's a bit of a cockney. Redheaded. His accent is ridiculous. Carole says she can't look at him or listen to him without laughing.

Bob

Women often change.

Gallagher

Actually, he's nice enough.

Bob

So! There are four of us! We could get up a game of Bridge! Just between you and me, you know what they call women like that?

Gallagher

Precisely -- but there's no use saying it, especially as here's your wife.

(Enter Amanda with the baby in her arms)

Bob

(going to his wife and pressing her in his arms)

My adorable angel. How I love you.

Amanda

Me, too.

(perceiving Gallagher)

Ah! We're not alone.

Bob

We can say anything in front of Gallagher. He's my stand in.

Gallagher

Since '85.

Bob

He can tell you what I was saying just now, and what I think of other women.

Amanda

I don't want to be better than other women. I just want you to love me alone.

Bob

(takes the baby in his arms and covers it with kisses)

Ah, dear little thing.

Amanda

Careful. Don't shake him up. He's just had his dinner.

Bob

We're going to leave.

Amanda

We can't. Mrs. Dietrich has invited us to dinner.

Bob

You accepted?

Amanda

I told her I'd ask you if we could.

Bob

You can tell Mrs. Dietrich we have business to attend to.

Amanda

But we can't go until baby's asleep. And he never sleeps in the car. You know he needs music to make him sleep. Here -- hold him, I am going to play his song.

(going to piano)

Gallagher

This is a charming scene.

Bob

(rocking the child)

Allow me to say, my old friend, if you didn't believe you had a duty to warn me then, you ought to have warned me two days ago, when I called to tell you we were going to pay this visit, and I asked you to be here.

Gallagher

I don't know what I could have told you. You'll find a pretext not to come back, and that's that.

Bob

Oh, you can be sure.

(changing the child to his other arm and shaking it instead of burping it. Amanda is at the piano playing a lullaby.)

Gallagher

You are going to wake that child. Pay attention!

Bob

(giving the baby to Gallagher)

Well, you hold him since you know better than I do.

Gallagher

(watching the sleeping child)

Your poor Papa is angry with his friend Gallagher -- because friend Gallagher told him the truth, and men like the truth no better than children like a spanking. When you grow up, you will want women to love you and no one else. And when you are thoroughly convinced they do, you will leave them to run after others who don't. And, if perchance, you find out they only pretended to love you as you pretended to love them -- why, you'll be furious just like your Dad. So you will be a brute like the rest of us. We call that growing up. And it will go on from one generation to the next as it always has. Sleep, little fellow, you can do nothing better.

Amanda

Is he asleep?

Gallagher

Quite.

Amanda

You made poor Mr. Gallagher hold your baby.

Bob

He wanted to, he adores children --

Gallagher

It's true -- like all men who have none, I adore them.

Amanda

Give him to me. I'm going to put him in the car.

Gallagher

I'm going to carry him there.

(Exit Gallagher and Amanda with the baby.)

(Enter Carole)

Carole

Bob, dear, Amanda and I have arranged everything. You will stay to dinner.

Bob

(getting up)

Oh, it's you, madam? No, we won't have the honor to sit at your table.

Carole

Why not? I was so happy to hit things off so well with your wife whom I simply adore --

Bob

Unfortunately, this is the last visit we'll be able to make. We're going back to Maine.

Carole

This very day?

Bob

This evening.

Carole

And you're staying there?

Bob

For the entire year.

Carole

And after that, -- all your life?

Bob

It's quite possible.

Carole

In other words, you don't want me to see your wife again!

Bob

For God's sake, Carole, there are certain situations --

Carole

In short, you don't want you wife to become the friend of -- of your old friend.

Bob

And also the old friend of Pahlevi.

Carole

(troubled, changing tone)

Who told you about Pahlevi?

Bob

What does it matter? Do you deny it?

Carole

There's only one man in the world who could've told you that: Gallagher.

Bob

And if Gallagher did tell me, he was duty bound to do so, wasn't he?

Carole

You can't trust anyone any more. Oh -- it was unworthy of Gallagher.

Bob

It isn't as if you paid him for his silence!

Carole

Yes, you're right, Mr. Griffith, your wife and I ought not to become friends. Don't say any more. Goodbye.

Bob

I'm not forbidding you. I have no right to do that. You're free to do as you like. Only --

Carole

Only?

Bob

Only you must admit there's no need to take it so hard about my marriage when all the time you had this Iranian. -- Only, why did you take so much trouble to deceive me. You swore to me a hundred times I was your first love.

Carole

It's true.

Bob

And Pahlevi was your first lover. Ah, I understand such feminine subtleties. But since we're speaking of that, from curiosity, I'd like to know how you, young, rich, intelligent, charming, could stoop to that Iranian --

Carole

I was bored -- that's how it started; then he bored me -- that's how it ended. That's it in two words.

Bob

And the others -- ?

Carole

Follow the first quite naturally -- like a breeze through an open window.

Bob

Do you really mean that? You?

Carole

You ask me; so I answer you in a way you will understand, or think you understand. Women who say they stop after one lover and return to the paths of virtue -- They lie, and I tell you so.

Bob

After all, it doesn't concern me, that before having known me you loved or thought you loved this Pahlevi or whatever his name was.

Carole

Akbar --

Bob

Akbar! But how you could keep on the same footing with him afterwards -- doesn't add up -- or I should say it adds up to too much!

Carole

Actually, it was a proof of my love for you.

Bob

Oh, this is perfect.

Carole

You see he threatened to expose me to my husband

Bob

The miserable wretch!

Carole

You see, I thought I could trust him. I told him about us. Then, he asked me if I had told you about him. Foolishly, I said no. Of course, he swore he would tell you everything.

Bob

So you did it for me?

Carole

Yes.

Bob

And why did you prefer Gallagher's apartment?

Carole

Gallagher was your friend -- his place was almost the same as yours. That consoled me a little.

Bob

And how many letters did you write to Pahlevi?

Carole

Two.

Bob

Always two?

Carole

And a little insignificant note he threw into the bargain.

Bob

In the bargain! But instead of consenting to this horrid traffic, why didn't you simply tell me?

Carole

Because he would have sent my letters to my husband. He had no scruples, you see. Oh, I really suffered. And I'd hardly been delivered from this horrible nightmare -- I was ready to tell you everything --and you brusquely abandoned me. It was the punishment I deserved, I know it, but no matter how deserved it was hard to bear. I tried to kill myself. Without Gallagher, I would've been dead.

Bob

And then from gratitude you turned to Gallagher --

Carole

Not even that, my friend! When I got my health back, I decided that all was over with me. My moral sense was annihilated. A sort of longing for evil came over me. I had -- I was filled with short lived, curious emotions. Fantasies without remorse. One night stands with strangers. Love made me suffer so much, it humiliated me -- so I dishonored love, I dragged myself in the mud. Poor Gallagher. He was just a ship in the night. He's so comical -- you cannot imagine how passionate and absurd he is at the same time. I will never forget how much I laughed about it, and I will always laugh about it.

Bob

Bitch! Where's all this leading?

Carole

You asked me to tell you everything, and I'm telling you. What's it to you that I've slept with this one or that one? And that the memory of one makes me laugh and that of another makes me want to cry?

Bob

What's it to me? Look, there was a portion of your life that I thought belonged to me alone, a time when you loved me -- and now, it turns out you were sleeping with half of Christ's kingdom. And that makes me believe you were laughing at me all along, and I feel that I was a fool. When we went to that motel I loved you ---

Carole

Is that true?

Bob

Certainly, it's true. If it wasn't, I wouldn't have gone.

Carole

Oh, how happy you make me. Believe me, you were not ridiculous, and I wasn't laughing at you. I thought only of you. It wasn't long ago, that I spent the night at the same motel where we spent so many hours together. I managed to arrive at the very hour, 6:15 and I managed to get the same room -- the one overlooking the lake. It was the thirtieth of June -- our anniversary. The weather was the same, the night sky starry and transparent. Nothing had changed except that you weren't there.

Bob

Who were you with?

Carole

I was by myself.

Bob

You expect me to believe that?

Carole

What does it matter? I spent the whole night crying. If someone was with me, they had a pretty time of it, I can assure you. I did my hair the way you liked it -- It seemed to me at any moment you might walk in the door. Of course, you never came. Ah, let's not talk about it any more!

Bob

Tell the truth. You were with a man, weren't you?

Carole

You men are really astonishing. You don't understand that when you abandon us we don't spend the rest of our lives in tears. It's better to forget -- and after all --a woman is pretty much like a man -- she's made of flesh and blood. Why, in this world, where nothing is eternal -- should sorrow be eternal?

Bob

I understand Pahlevi. Arabs are handsome and sweet talkers --

Carole

Pahlevi was not an arab, he was Iranian.

Bob

Never mind. I even understand Gallagher -- But, I don't understand this Cockney --

Carole

You understand the first two -- thanks. I will make you understand the other. -- He has a funny accent, I suppose, and he isn't very well educated -- but he's really very nice and kind -- he harms no one. And he's going to marry me.

Bob

And last but not least -- he's very wealthy.

Carole

Oh, that, too. But I don't care about that. --Tastes change with age. He's safe. That's what I want now. For women there are no ugly men. There are only stupid men. Men who love us and are very special and like no one else; and men who do not love us -- they're all alike.

Bob

So you love this Cockney more than you loved me?

Carole

More -- perhaps not, but differently, that's certain. Human nature has its development, and God has the foresight to lead us to our fate without too much boredom -- so he lines the route with certain surprises -- which makes us believe we prefer to live rather than die.

Bob

So you like this Cockney because he's safe?

Carole

Yes.

Bob

And you'll marry him?

Carole

In six weeks.

Bob

I never thought you would choose a man because he was 'safe.'

Carole

I'm past playing with fire. I've been burned once.

Bob

Several times, I think.

Carole

Well, if it comes to that why did you marry Amanda? Because she's a great lover? Because she's good in bed? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I can tell to look at her the best you can say about her is that you married her because she was safe.

Bob

Amanda's a good person.

Carole

I don't doubt it. And quite respectable, too.

Bob

Quite respectable.

Carole

But not exciting.

Bob

No, not exciting.

Carole

A homemaker. A good milk cow for your son.

Bob

Carole --

Carole

And I am none of the above. Goodbye, my friend, -- rejoin your wife -- and let's not talk stupidities. Regret nothing. You've had that which was best in me.

Bob

(holding her)

Who will know of it?

Carole

You and I. That's enough. But if you keep this up your wife will know.

Bob

Amanda suspects nothing. She's an innocent.

Carole

And she nurses baby.

(watching his eyes)

And she triumphs over me -- right?

Bob

Carole!

Carole

No -- I see you clearly -- you love novelty. I loved you before as I love you now. And I will lose you again --

Bob

Why will you lose me again?

Carole

(with a forceful but despairing gesture)

You are married. You cannot belong to me -- you no longer belong to yourself.

Bob

You were married before.

Carole

That was different.

Bob

Each in his turn. It's a problem we can work around.

Carole

Goodbye.

Bob

And besides, I don't love Amanda. And you know it.

Carole

Why did you get married then?

Bob

I thought I'd find in marriage an emotion -- which didn't exist.

Carole

Word of honor?

Bob

My word.

Carole

Of honor?

Bob

Of honor!

Carole

(aside)

What cowards men are!

(aloud)

Then what are my sins to me or your engagements to you if we can still love each other again? Find some way to get away on some pretext. Stay with me. Spend a year with me alone. I have a small cottage in Florida. We could go there. That's all I ask. In a year, I will be thirty-five. An old woman. You have no idea how I dread it. I will set you free. I will disappear and you will never hear of me again. But, at least, I will have loved completely.

Bob

And if, in a year, I cannot leave you?

Carole

Oh, don't tell me that. You'll make me too happy.

(Bob tries to take her in his arms, but Carole stops him)

It seems to me that I hear your wife. Go find her. Take her away. I don't wish to see her. Gallagher will bring you word from me, and in an hour we will be reunited for ever!

Bob

(mesmerized)

Forever.

(Bob goes out to find his wife)

Carole

(fanning herself as if to remove a bad odor)

Foh!

Gallagher

(entering)

Well?

Carole

Well, you're right my friend. It's heartbreaking. He believes I was mistress of this Pahlevi you invented. Of this English Cockney -- and that you have been a little more than friends with me. I should have had you include a Chinese and a Black. He would have swallowed them whole, too --like the others. And when he was convinced that I was no good, that I was running from one one night stand to the next -- why then he began to love me. Ah, if we knew before what we learn afterwards. Foh! Get rid of this gentleman for me! May I never hear him spoken of again, may I believe he is dead, may I pretend he never lived. I am going to get some fresh air. I need it. I'll be back for dinner. -- I never would have believed I could feel such loathing for someone I loved so much.

(Exit Carole)

Gallagher

She will be back for dinner. That gives me three quarters of an hour and that's twenty minutes more than I need.

(Bob comes in)

There you are. I've been waiting for you.

Bob

Have you seen Carole?

Gallagher

She left. She felt bad. And you -- you've done a fine piece of work. Now -- what about your wife?

Bob

My wife? You're going to take her to Boston and then to Maine?

Gallagher

(aside)

Get rid of this man for me. Get rid of my wife for me! They're perfect. (aloud)

What will I tell poor Amanda?

Bob

I've already told her that I received a telegram that requires me to leave immediately for Washington.

Gallagher

You haven't told her where it's from?

Bob

(absently)

No.

Gallagher

A telegram here -- while you are paying a visit. She believed it?

Bob

Amanda believes almost anything.

Gallagher

She's naive.

Bob

Yes. It makes things much easier.

Gallagher

And now you're in love with Carole Dietrich?

Bob

In love, in love -- the word is outmoded. All I know is that I have a sensation for her --and there's no way to escape it. I told you I am always honest. Well the truth is I'm not particularly amused to be with a woman whose sole preoccupation is with nursing her baby, and talking baby talk to the little brat. To be blunt I've had enough of it. And she'll be pregnant again. I tell you what, Gallagher. It's a drag.

Gallagher

And your tirades of an hour ago?

Bob

An hour ago was an hour ago. It was theoretically true -- like most other tirades -- and it will be useful some other time.

Gallagher

You leave your wife and child to run off with a woman you find boring. Think a bit.

Bob

Gallagher, old friend, she's not the same woman. She's had adventures. She's changed. If you had seen her just now, -- if you had seen her eyes, -- she was ready to throw herself away on this Cockney --

Gallagher

I have no idea what effect this Englishman has had on Carole. He came before me, and I regret it.

Bob

Gallagher, you would do better not to remind me of that. I might strangle you --

Gallagher

When are you going?

Bob

In ten minutes.

Gallagher

You will write to your wife?

Bob

Yes, yes. I will do all that is necessary. Be easy.

Gallagher

She won't believe it.

Bob

If somebody proves it to her?

Gallagher

And if she becomes vengeful.

Bob

Amanda, vengeful? Never. She will not even dream of it. Happily she's religious -- women like her don't take lovers. They don't even seek a divorce. It's good for --

Gallagher

It's admirable. Men believe they are jealous of a woman because they are in love with -- her. It's the other way round: they are in love because they are jealous. Prove to them they have no reason to be jealous and they will cease to be in love.

Bob

What's that you're saying under your breath?

Gallagher

Excuse me, dear boy. Enough joking like that. You are determined to leave with Carole?

Bob

Yes.

Gallagher

Will it last?

Bob

It will last as long as it lasts. For six months, who knows -- perhaps forever. Until she loves me for myself alone as she has loved all the others.

Gallagher

Then you must learn the entire truth. Nothing at all I have told you is true, Carole Dietrich --

Bob

Thanks, Gallagher, thanks my excellent friend! Unfortunately, I understand all that. A man tells his friend everything he knows about -- a woman he once loved under the misconception that he no longer cares a damn about her. Then, he realizes he still loves her and tries to withdraw all he just said and set things back the way they were. Understood, my friend, understood.

Gallagher

You don't believe me. You don't believe I've been lying?

Bob

No, my good fellow, not at all.

Gallagher

I tell you Akbar Pahlevi was a man I knew in Tehran. He never set foot in the United States and never met Carole Dietrich.

Bob

(looking at his watch impatiently)

If not Pahlevi, then someone else. My dear fellow, a woman who says to me 'I was bored -- that's how it started, he bored me -- that's how it ended' -- a woman who expresses her feelings that way -- has had those feelings. Whether the man was called Pahlevi or Patrick it doesn't matter. There was such a man.

Gallagher

By all that's sacred, this first lover was a pure invention. You were the first.

Bob

So be it. But this Cockney existed. And so there were three instead of four. But that's enough for me.

Gallagher

There was not three, not two, there wasn't even one. Nobody.

Bob

Kindly tell me what motive there is for Carole to tell me all these lies?

Gallagher

The pleasure of making you jealous again.

Bob

But she must know that I would hate her forever after such a trick -- and I would never see her again in my life.

Gallagher

It's amusing to see a man lose control of himself completely --

Bob

(almost to himself)

And then you were always there! There was something -- something -- you could feel it. Tell me there was someone. That would be so natural. A deserted woman --

Gallagher

Carole Dietrich had an affair with you. The rest I invented -- my word of honor. And God knows what trouble I had to get her to accept, to make her understand, to rehearse the role she just played so well. Know, in leaving, my dear friend, she is irreproachable at least as far as you are concerned. There's no rabbit in the stew you're dreaming of.

Bob

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Gallagher

Nothing.

Bob

Not even a bit -- a scrap?

Gallagher

Not a flea or a worm.

Bob

And what about the way she was just now?

Gallagher

She only used the manner -- to get you back. But now that she knows you will always love her she wants you to know, and I am directed to tell you, that she is to be found in a modest little house a few miles from Miami. Where she will be all alone, and where you will come to see her when you can because she doesn't want to elope or have a scandal. When you cannot come she will wait for you, chaste, calm, modest. She will write you -- through me.

Bob Signing 'Carl'?

Gallagher

Carl! What a sweet life.

Bob

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Gallagher

What's up with you?

Bob

I don't know. Something's happening. Emotion -- the happiness of always being loved. -- Amanda, Amanda.

Gallagher

(aside)

Here we go.

(Enter Amanda)

Amanda

Here I am, dear. What is it?

Bob

Where's your hat?

Amanda

Over there.

Bob

(taking hat and putting it on her head sideways)

And the little one?

Amanda

Right here.

Bob

Let's go.

Amanda

And the telegram?

Bob

I got another one. Counter orders. We're going back to Maine.

Amanda

Ah, you don't have to leave me. What a joy. --I've got to say goodbye to Mrs. Dietrich.

Bob

Useless.

Amanda

Ah, what a funny house.

Gallagher

Will you explain to me?

Bob

What? You don't understand? Are you stupid. Unfortunately, If I am going to live with an honest woman, I've no need of Carole Dietrich. I have one of my own.

Gallagher

(feigning surprise)

Oh!

(aside)

Better pretend to be surprised or he'll start all over again.

(to Bob)

She will die this time.

Bob

No -- you will manage that.

(leaves with his wife and child)

Gallagher

Thus it ends. Man hated by woman. Woman scorned by man.

Carole

(peeping in)

They're gone?

Gallagher

Yes.

Carole

Forever.

Gallagher

Forever.

Carole

Now we can have dinner.

Gallagher

And lets not stir the wine. The dregs are very bitter.

(curtain)